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Saturday, September 09, 2006

Im confused wit wat im goin thru ryte nw. Mixture of feelings welled up in me bt i juz dun gt y. I feel lonely sumtymes. Im scared. Im happy. I feel so lost. Its lyke as though im living in a jungle alone. Happy coz i gt de freedom to do anitin, watever i want in dere bt lonely coz dere's nuttin much i cud do n dere's no one dere wit me. Im ol alone. Bt den again..snap back to reality hani!! U fucking do haf frens and ur bf wit u. Dats de ting, I do haf great frens n a caring bf bt as u noe, im a family oriented gerl, i nid my family too, a lot. Family. Maybe dats wat im missing ryte nw, My family. Ouh god, suddenly reminisce of de past came back n i feel lyke crying. I really missed being able to go to de beach whenever we wanted. De unexpected n unplanned outings we usually had. N den ending up juz chilling at weird places, lyke Tanjong Rhu. haha! I missed dose tymes, where i cn be wit my family, spending tyme wit dem, juz sit n talk openly about anitin we want. My dads jokes n e kontol faces he lykes to mk dat mks me smile(even tho i sumtymes find it lame, very lame.) haha, nw u noe where de kontol side of me cm frm ah.. haha! My mums "keconfidenan". She's olwaes confident bout sumtin she thot was ryte, bt end up its a wrong ting. Den she'll react lyke as if she's ryte. Cute. haha.. Ayil's keselengean n de very little2 tings he will do dat cn juz irritate de hell out of me. Walaupun ape die buat tu tkde bersangkot-paot ngan aku. haha! N abg. I missed him de most. We used to share our problems n aniting la.. Eventho i didn't ask him if he has any probs, he'll juz cm to me n tell me everiting. Bt de ting about him dat i dun lyke is dat he lykes to borrow money frm me n nt returning it back to me. If u dun haf money, stay at home brother. Bt i dun really mind. Coz i love him. I love my family a lot. Lots of tings haf changed nw. Dere's communications breakdwn sumwhere sumhw in de family. Nw is lyke we duin tings on our own, Everi1 is lyke busy wit their own stuff. Dads olwaes busy werqing. Mum already gt a job in CGH as a porter. Brothers still in NS. Bt pop ready. So?? Hu crs if he pops ready? I still gts to mit him once a wk onli. Ayils olwaes at home bt he gt uder stuff to do olso. Lyke skewl, takraw.. N im olwaes outside coz i really cn't stand staying at home 24/7. Dere's nuttin much to do actualli. Im bored staying at home wit nobody at home to layan me. Mum is olwaes at home during daytyme bt most of de tyme she'll be sliping coz she's werqing nyteshift, so she nids dat tyme to slip n rest or she'll be tired wen she reaches her weq place.
Bt sumtymes i prefer it to be dis way. I noe tings change everyday n i cn accept dat. Its juz dat wen i feel lonely n bored n wen dere's really2 nuttin fer me to do at dat particular tyme lyke nw, i start to gt very emotional n i start to tink bout stuff lyke dis. Reminiscing bout de old tymes i had.. Ouh im sucha loser. Emo freak!?! Maybe i missed dem too much. urgh. I'll be olryte by tom. I guess, i hope so, ala conferm la.. haha! Actually, im feeling a lil bit better. Nw dat i olready let everiting out. Sheesh.. Blogging duz help mks me feel better. Still its better if i cud let out everyting to sumone as in a human being hu really crs to lend me their ears.. huahuahua.. Bt luq at de tyme nw, its 1am!? I cn't possibly mit any1 by dis tyme. Dads gonna shout at me fer sure. haha! ouhkay, im too shagged to carry on blogging. So dis is ol fer today. Nytey2!!

simple :]
11:16 PM